Reflection
by Scarlett71177
Summary: E/B, Post-Eclipse. Bella wants to know what Edward would have done if she hadn't asked him to stop in the meadow.


_She lay  
Breathing  
Sunshine  
Between  
Time here  
Lingers  
Trace with  
My finger  
A circle, a circle  
'Round the sun  
– PJ Harvey, "Un Cercle Autour Du Soleil" _

* * *

Sunlight filtered in through the gauzy curtains when the jarred window let the mid-morning breeze in. Wide, angled shards of light spread across the floor, bending awkwardly at the wall bathing the room in rich yellow light, illuminating the dust motes filtering through the air. Edward had moved twice already—once to avoid the advancing day and once to avoid Charlie when he checked in on Bella, but his Bella had laid still and beautiful in the warmth of the sun. Her skin did not sparkle and glimmer but her mahogany tresses reflected the light, the random scarlet strands glowing like smoldering embers.

She had been stirring for the last few minutes and Edward Cullen wasn't sure if he should be angry with the sun or not. Though he missed the conscious presence of his beloved, he loved to sit in silence, daydreaming and watching her sleep. The advancing light had fallen across her angelic face, alerting her thin eyelids that it was soon time to wake.

Her foot dangled off the edge of the bed exposing royal blue polish on her toenails; Edward would tenderly replace her foot on the bed, smiling fondly at her human nature. She painted them blue for him, she knew _he_ felt particularly strong about the way it complemented her pale skin.

Inhaling sharply, eyes still closed, she slid her hand across the pale yellow sheets, searching. Searching for him. She licked her lips, moistening them and moaned softly. "Edward?" the edge of panic crept into her voice at the absence of a body next to her.

"Right here, Bella, love," he whispered from his place on the floor against the wall where he had retreated from the dawn. He had her room memorized, knowing the precise path the sunlight would take as it traveled across her floorboards.

Bella extended a hand toward him as her eyes gently fluttered open. "Mmm," she mumbled, her voice thick with sleep. "'cha doin over there?"

He didn't immediately go to her as he perhaps normally would have, watching her hand reach out toward him, a look of worry and confusion etched upon her lovely face. She made to sit up but he sprung from his reclusive place, joining her under the sheet in one heartbeat, pulling the covering over them, concealing them both in a yellow striped tent.

She spoke quickly, her hands seeking out the front of his button-up shirt, her fingers curling around the fabric. "Was I having nightmares again? Was I talking in my sleep?"

"No and yes," he began with a small smirk as he pressed his chilled fingers to her lips. "No nightmares last night, but you were mumbling some interesting things this morning."

She stilled, her eyes wide and frozen, and Edward knew she was thinking about the dog and wondering if she had been talking about him. Since the day she said goodbye and cried all night she had kept her emotions so tightly guarded, so under wraps. He had no idea what she was really thinking. Even her countenance barely gave her away.

"It's all right," he began, smiling down at her as he pressed a kiss to her forehead and caused her to shiver. "You said something about the meadow. Do you remember? Were you actually dreaming about me?"

The tone of his voice was so hopeful and he realized it instantly. Maybe he put far too much pressure on her, but just the idea that she could think of him in her subconscious mind instead of _him_ sent a thrill through him he couldn't deny. He felt the corners of his mouth turn upward into a smirk.

Bella blushed the most delicious color of pink as she tried to contain her own smile. A real, genuine smile. The kind of smile only he was privy to. "I'll tell you what my dream was about," she began, pausing when his smirk gave way to a full grin. "But only if you tell me why you weren't in bed with me. Why were you sitting in the corner?"

His smile fell almost instantly. Edward squinted and looked up through the impromptu tent of linens he created and scowled. "It's sunny today and the thought of my skin sparkling all around your room was intolerable. Outdoors, perhaps, but not here, not with you looking so beautiful and—normal."

Bella gazed intently in his eyes as she pressed her fingers to his lips. "Shh," she whispered, her breath, always enticing, blowing in his face, causing him to take a momentary pause, closing his eyes as though praying for strength. "Don't say that, I think you're beautiful."

He shook his head, pressing a kiss to her fingers before taking them in his hand, letting the sheet fall and drape over them. "You are beautiful and biased evidently. Go take your inevitable human moment, and hurry back to me."

She frowned, her brow furrowing and lips pursing, before throwing the covers back and climbing out of bed. Despite the sun, it was chilly in the room and Bella quickly folded her arms across her chest as goose bumps erupted over her pale skin.

He slumped back on the bed, folding his arms under his head, but there was no way he could avoid the daylight now that the sheet revealed exposed skin. Polka-dotted prisms of light scattered across the ceiling and walls leaving white blemishes, shining reminders of his soulless existence and his elected sins.

Though her corporeal presence was currently absent from the small room, her devastating ethereal presence lingered everywhere, threatening to overwhelm him. Her scent clung to the sheets, evaporating with her warmth where, moments ago, her body had been pooling heat, her natural perfume saturated into every fiber of every piece of clothing she wore that she carelessly left lying around tempting him, and on every inanimate object that crossed her path from the gnawed caps of ink pens to her light switch. This little room was as drunk with her as he was; hopelessly addicted, unable to refuse her here too.

He fought for control as she stumbled back into the room, her limbs still lazy and lethargic. He rolled onto his side to make room for her as he extended his arms, almost aching to have her safe and sound within his strong grasp. She smiled, the apples of her cheeks as red as a Braeburn, and hurried to burrow back into his embrace, snuggling against his chest as he replaced the quilt over her body.

"Cold?" he asked, chafing her arm through her the thin sleeve of her T-shirt while she fought to worm her way in closer to his body.

"Mm, no," she breathed against his neck. She slipped one leg between his and fisted the fabric of his shirt in her little hand, twisting.

"I believe you owe me the explanation of your dream. We _did_ make a deal," he said, continuing to warm the skin on her arm by friction alone. He inhaled, a force of habit, preparing to hold his breath while she spoke in an effort to regain control of his desires. He tilted his head back on the pillow, pulling away from her slightly, making the muscles in his neck taut while he waited for her to speak about something interesting, something that would make him focus on her intellect instead of the way the curves of her chest were pressed against his.

"Well," she began, pausing almost immediately. He could imagine how she would stall and fidget, her teeth reddening her lips, her eyes shifting quickly. Human gestures he found endlessly endearing. "I dreamt of the meadow, our meadow, you know, the day we told Charlie that we were engaged."

He couldn't forget if he wanted to or tried.

After the initial blowup that resulted in Edward's temporary banishment from the house and Bella's fit of rage that resulted in her tossing the majority of her clothes and belongings out the bedroom window as she howled that she was moving to the Cullen's instantly, it calmed quite quickly after that. The result was a sit down chat between the three of them at the kitchen table that expressed their points of view in lowered voices. Things were tense at best but Charlie realized he could no longer make decisions for Bella and that if he wanted a relationship with his adult daughter—he needed to let her make her own mistakes. Edward shared as many of Charlie's feelings as he thought he should. He kept Charlie's most venomous thoughts about him locked deep within the confines of his own psyche. That would only cause awkwardness between Bella and her father. Charlie was convinced Edward and Bella would be through in a matter of months or a year at most, and he would be there to pick up the pieces as he had before. Those were the memories, images in flashback form, which he couldn't bear to see.

One good thing had come from that afternoon—his mother's engagement ring had not left Bella's hand since that day nearly a week ago. He was starting to think of it as Bella's ring now and that scared him. It wasn't hers until she uttered the vows that would bind them for eternity.

"Do you remember?" she asked suddenly, lifting her head and letting her nose run along the length of his throat. "Of course you do. Vampires are like elephants; they don't forget."

Her voice, the enunciation of each word, vibrated against his skin, each sound causing a wave to tremor over him; the warmth of her breath caressing him rounded out the sensation. He needed to say something. Anything. "O-of course I recall," he stammered.

She nuzzled his Adam's apple and pressed her warm lips to his cold skin. "When we were kissing you said you loved me and wanted me right then."

He murmured a low affirmation, guarded, cautious.

"Well," she began, her foot hooking around his calf now, clinging to his shirt a little tighter. "What would you have done if I hadn't asked you to wait?"

Edward was suddenly rigid and unresponsive in her arms, dropping his face down to appraise hers. "Is _that_ what you were dreaming about?" he demanded, his voice harder than he perhaps intended.

Rejection washed over her expression, she was perfectly readable now. "D-don't you ever daydream about me?" Bella asked, her brow furrowed, her eyes sparkling with unshed tears. She attempted to push away from him but he held her fast.

He pressed his lips to her forehead and exhaled, his icy breath wafting over her face. "You have no idea," he whispered. He slid his hand across her shoulder to rest against the side of her neck, grazing her lips with his thumb. He could feel the throbbing of her pulse beneath his palm, hot and fast.

His body was reacting in a way that was human, masculine, and it was more difficult to control by the day. Edward needed to untangle himself from her before he did something they'd both regret. Unable to extricate himself from her gaze, he moved his hand back to her shoulder, smoothing down the length of her arm, around the curve of her elbow to find her hand clutching his shirt but she drew her arm back at the same moment. Inadvertently, his hand brushed the side of her breast, instantly causing her to still her movement.

She gasped softly, her lips parted, her eyes wide with surprise. Her brown eyes were locked on his, rapidly changing from butterscotch to ebony. He withdrew his hand quickly, careful to avoid harming her and made to speak, to apologize, but she pushed him flat to the bed, pressing a kiss to his lips.

He was afraid to move, to respond, she was so warm, exuberant, and pressed to every line of his body. Her mouth moved over his with a wild excitement, her tongue tracing the outside of his lower lip before he could even begin to rationalize that this was ill-advised.

"Bella, Bella," he breathed, nearly gasping while continuing to kiss a path along her jaw. He was tired of waiting, tired of refusing her, tired of saying no when every part of his body longed to say yes. She had no idea the things he daydreamed of, things he wanted to do, try, and say.

"Tell me," she whispered against his cheek, her breath coming out in a rush. "The truth, tell me. Please." She was panting and writhing against him, and she wanted honesty.

Her legs slipped on either side of his hips letting her rest flush against him, and her fingers threaded in his hair, tugging furiously as though attempting to pull the words she wanted to hear from his head.

"I.would.have.tried." He fairly growled the words, summoning every ounce of restraint as modesty and gallantry slipped away on every sigh, every kiss. He was sure there would have been more trying than actual success, but even if he'd been forced to pace the meadow searching for calm, he would have fulfilled his promise to her. But that was then and this was completely different. They'd made a choice to wait, she'd asked him to stop and do things right. They were only weeks away from the wedding now. "Bella, Bella, we need to stop," he breathed as he carefully let his tongue dart out to taste her earlobe.

He gently pushed her shoulders back, instantly missing the warmth of her chest pressing against his. Edward's marble hands settled on her hips, content to have her remain where she was, straddling his lap. He watched her chest heave, fighting for air, heavy sighs escaping through her red, parted lips. "We need to stop, Bella. Once again, you're over-estimating my self-control." He didn't bother to clarify the statement to let her know he wasn't referencing the blood lust.

"No," she panted, reaching for the buttons on his shirt. "You are."

He grasped her hands, stilling her ministrations at the second button. "I thought we _did_ make a decision to wait." His raspy voice wavered, almost as though he was asking a question as he raised his eyebrows to appraise her.

"We did," she admitted sheepishly, cheeks ablaze with embarrassment. "But is it smart—or safe to go from zero to sixty in one night? I know that all I'm asking for on our wedding night is for us to try, but…" She leaned forward slowly, meeting his gaze, to rest her cheek against the cool skin on his exposed chest. "Is it so awful to want to try other things first? Does that make me a horrible tease?"

Edward gently took her face between his hands and turned her head so he could stare into her chocolate brown eyes. "Of course not, my silly, beautiful Bella. I want that too but I don't know how… to give that to you… without hurting you." His confession provoked a startling silence to envelope the little room. Rainbow prisms continued to sparkle and dance on the wall, but they were almost unnoticed now.

Her gaze did not waver as she inched up slowly, his outstretched arms slipping from the smooth warm skin of her face. He gaped up at her expression, desperate to read the thoughts, ideas, and feelings she betrayed there. Her body relayed more stories than she ever imagined—racing pulse, dilated pupils, sweating, pheromones all could cue him in on her general cast of mind and body.

"Edward," she whispered, her petite hands reaching blindly for his where they dug into the yellow striped sheets, prying them loose. "Do you trust me?"

The question caught him off-guard, but then why should he be surprised? Bella continuously did that without even trying. "With my existence," he breathed, feeling the warmth of her fingers slip through his, almost causing him to shiver.

"Good, me too. I mean I trust you that much."

She closed her eyes, capturing both his larger hands in her smaller ones, palms pressed together, and raised them to her lips. She pressed a kiss to his fingers with a shaky breath and brought them to rest over her heart, its rhythm beating in a lively tempo.

Hesitancy was in the tension of his arms, trusting her but not himself, as though ready to pull back at any second if she jeopardized her own fate. With a staccato breath, she slowly slid their conjoined hands down over the gentle swell of her chest, stopping over her breasts.

He inhaled sharply, attempting to draw back but she clenched her fingers tighter around his, fighting to maintain control; his grasp was unresponsive, frozen with fear. A broken sigh bordering on a moan escaped her lips when their hands came into contact with the sensitive skin.

He was still. As still as the prey he hunted, surprised and unaware. The electric stimulus of her touch threatened to shock his latent heart back to a normal rhythm. He waited for the rush of venom to fill his mouth, to feel the overwhelming thirst, the fire in his throat.

It didn't come.

"Oh God," he finally hissed through clenched teeth, aching to fight some long-dormant human desire, longing to give in and let it enslave him.

He felt her hands slacken at his unresponsiveness, threatening to let go and the thought was instantly unbearable. He dropped his hands at vampire speed and, before she could let her eyes flutter open, he had replaced his hands on her back and drew her forward, tight to his chest.

In an instant he reversed their positions on the narrow bed, springs creaking loudly in protest, and panted, staring down at her shocked expression through obsidian eyes filigreed with gold. It was as though the knot binding him to this century-long philosophy, this moral code, has been loosened; an entirely different kind of monster wanted satisfaction.

"Bella, I'm sorry," he growled, gleaming white teeth gritted as he took in her surprised expression. He couldn't help but wonder if this was the moment when he would finally scare her away. Would she think him unhinged and deranged in the most intimate moment of his life?

"Please don't apologize," she hissed back, her quivering fingers snaking between their bodies to the buttons on his shirt. "I wanted it. Didn't you?"

The question hung in the air for several moments, held afloat on the heaving breaths filling the confined space between their entwined bodies. If he were honest, Edward wanted this moment more than any other in his life, human or otherwise. He took a moment to collect himself, his own 'vampire moment,' and simply stared down at her angelic face. He closed his eyes, imprinting the image of the way she looked now in his memory forever, tucked away in an imaginary file titled 'The Most Beautiful She Has Ever Looked.' Mahogany hair fanned out across the lemon-yellow striped pillowcase, skin flushed pink, eyes gazing intently, fiercely into his.

The sunlight engulfed her now in a bright, dazzling light. He could see the beating of her heart against the fitted T-shirt stretched tight across her body, her chest rising and falling with ragged breaths, the exposed skin at her mid-drift where the shirt had ridden up when he had reversed them perhaps.

The warmth of her own flesh soaked into his icy skin as she splayed his shirt open, buttons finally unfastened by eager fingers. "I want it too," he admitted before closing the distance between them, capturing her mouth in a kiss.

Bella wrapped her arms around the smooth, cool skin of his back, pulling him closer, hooking one leg over his, letting him settle more intimately against the cradle of her hips. He was careful, so careful, to monitor the weight bearing down on her, but the pressure of her body against his was as intoxicating as her scent.

His right hand slowly trailed down the length of her arm, goose bumps erupting in the wake of his chilly caress, his touch eventually straying to the exposed skin at her narrow waist. Edward broke away from Bella's insistent kisses to trail his lips down over her chin, across the taut skin of her neck as his hand carefully edged up the gentle rise of her ribcage.

When his hand finally crested the peak, he palmed her breast, giving it a tender, experimental squeeze as his tongue dipped into the shallow hollow at the base of her throat. Bella inhaled sharply, arching her body against his icy touch, and fought to pull him closer, as if there was any distance between them to bridge.

To touch her, like this, was beyond amazing and certainly not meant for creatures like him. For the first time he truly fought hard against a new kind of hunger and addiction tempting him. Her delicious scent, the way she clawed at him wanting something more, the way her nipple hardened beneath his fingertips as he traced the tender flesh, the sound of hissed breaths and his name tumbling from her lips all gnawed away at him, his body unable to remain composed, suppressed sentiments ached for release.

Edward forced his hungry lips to stop their progression at her collarbone; he had already pushed the neckline of her T-shirt out of his way on his path to place a kiss over her erratically pounding heart. "We… need…to… stop…" he panted, changing position so that his left hand was free to take one brief swipe over her other breast as he lifted his head to nuzzle her nose. "It's too easy to get carried away." His voice was husky, intense.

"Are you sure?" She stumbled over the words, her lips vibrating against his, her own fingers ghosting over his nipple, mimicking the same gesture he was engaged in.

He didn't answer right away, pulling away for a moment to gaze intently in her eyes. He removed his hand from the center of her chest and reached up to sweep a lock of hair behind her ear, letting the strand curl around his finger before letting go. He leaned back in, slowly, and pressed his lips to her ear, whispering softly. "Yes, my Bella. For now." He planted a trail of soft kisses along her jaw from her ear to the corner of her mouth before leaving a lingering kiss on her lips.

With a heavy sigh, Edward disentangled himself from her limbs and resumed his place next to her on the bed. He closed his eyes and prayed for restraint, or mercy if he could not find said restraint, and felt Bella shift on the mattress, curling around him, resting her head over his unbeating heart.

She was still breathless but managed to speak her mind. "Pardon the cliché, but maybe we could think of it like baseball. Vampires like baseball, right? You know, first base this week, second base next week, and eventually—"

"A home run?" he questioned, a smirk hitching up his lip as he interrupted.

"Exactly," she replied, returning the smile. He watched the gesture slip from her lips and reached over to trail his index finger over her cheekbone, regaining her attention.

"What's wrong? What are you thinking?"

She sighed. "It's just—I don't want you to think I'm pressuring you. I mean, I am, but I want us both to be ready. I do understand that desire and actual preparedness are two different things, but just know that I'll help in whatever way possible—even if that means not pestering."

The smirk returned to his face. "Ah, the words of my very own virtue villain." He gently tweaked her nose and pressed a kiss to her temple. "Jokes aside, I thank you. My heart is ready but my mind isn't—and please don't take that as an insult. It's still all about suppressing instinct and keeping safety at the forefront of my mind when you're so wonderful at making it consider other things instead. But perhaps your baseball analogy is appropriate. Practice makes perfect, yes?"

She nodded against his bare chest and gave him a squeeze, tracing the outline of his defined musculature. "Can we stay here like this all day?" The warmth of her breath floating over his skin almost caused him to shiver when she sighed.

"I can't think of a better way to pass an entire day, but can we close the blinds?" He groaned and, once again, noticed the bursts of bright white light meandering across the walls and ceiling like stars' paths in the night sky. His mind returned to the fact that this little room was nearly a sacred space, something that should be kept untainted, and he was here with his sparkling flaws and contamination.

"No," she whispered, a smile playing on her face. "Look."

She wriggled her wrist, the diamond charm on her bracelet and her engagement ring both fully engulfed in a beam of sunlight stretching across the room. The simple gesture caused an array of prisms to glitter and dance throughout the room, mingling with the blemishes he'd created.

"I'm sparkling too."

* * *

Written for the partofhim community at LJ. Thanks to vnfan for the beta.


End file.
